Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
