I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
