my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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