Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize