I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
