They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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