Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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