Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
