textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
