I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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