I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
