Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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