Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
