How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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