I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
