3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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