Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
