Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
