tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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