yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize