having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
