woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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