Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
