You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
