Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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