There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
