So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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