when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
