I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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