bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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