Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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