I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
