Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
