The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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