wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize