Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
