I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
