i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
