Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD