i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.