garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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