Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
