I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.