my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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