I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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