Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
