I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
