I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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