I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
