me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
