I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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