and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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