So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
