so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
