1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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