At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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