no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
