I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
two words: eviction party
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
then he tried to convert me to islam
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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