Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
