I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
