i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize