New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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