FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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