from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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