plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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