i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
