K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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