I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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