my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
love makes seman taste better
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
