TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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