never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
