see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
