waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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