Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would fuck him just for his dog
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
