She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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