Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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