I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
